Isak Dinesen - Author of the novel, "Out Of Africa"

Due to my pending Europe trip in the early Fall, I have been doing some study on European continent and its travel information. One of the best ways I found is to watch DVDs filmed by professional travellers, such as Rudy Maxa and Rick Steve.

In one of the DVDs I came to know Isak Dinesen, the novelist who wrote "Out of Africa", which has been turned into a hollywood movie casted by Robert Redford. According to the lady in the DVDs, Isak Dinesen was interviewed at the end of her life about what she learned from her own life. Isak Dinesen responded, "1. You have to have courage to live. 2. You must be able to love. 3. You must have a sense of humor." I concur wholeheartedly. If there is something I would add to it, I would either expand the first statement a little bit or add a fourth statement, which is the courage to take some GOOD risk.

The word COURAGE is short and simple, and yet its impact, when fully exercised, can be so PROFOUND that even a disconnected artificial heart may feel its vibrance.

Is the lack of courage to live equivalent to the lack of hope to live? Have you met someone who has been diagnosed with terminal disease and yet still does his/her best to seize every moment to enjoy life? On the contrary, have you ever met someone who has a good family, a healthy body, and a decent job and yet nothing positive can come out of his/her mouths. To live well is to have courage to live and accept his/her own responsibilities. Merely living is like a walking skeleton. A pathetic scene to be seen. It is one thing to find life, at times, difficult, discouraged, and frustrated to deal with, but it is quite another to shrug off your own responsibilities and blaming on others.

A friend of mine recently told me that he can easily be attracted to girls, but he can't love. Why can't he love? Fear to have his heart pierced and twisted from the inside out again? Or fear that he may not be loved back with the same intensity that he so anticipated? Knowing his background, I am afraid to say that it is not as much of his inability to love as of his inability to overcome the fear of being hurt/rejected again. FEAR is the enemy of COURAGE!

PERFECT LOVE casts out FEAR.

Huh! Life is pain. The other day my girlfriends and I were talking about newborn babies and their crying the moment they are out of the mother's womb. I know there are medical explanation for their crying.. To be sentimental, I am a firm believer that we are born to troubles and that in order to go through this life in one piece, one must learn to be humorous and laugh at the happening...

A Wise Woman

One of my male friends gave me his unsolicited definition of a wise woman.
"A wise woman knows how to take good care of herself and be in control of her life in the absence of a man. But then, she also knows how to make her man feel in charge by letting her man be the man in his presence without compromising her own identity."

Well, I wonder what is the definition of a wise man!

让爱不虚假! Let love be without hypocrisy

My beloved....

Children are indeed a blessing from GOD...
For the past 11 of the 15 years in the States, especially the past 7 yrs, I saved up all my vacations just to visit Malaysia every year. Some people find it unbelievable. While there are many reasons, the major one is because of my sweet nieces and nephews. They are the joy of my life. Their innocent faces and laughters can easily roll away my blues. They continue to amaze me with their truthfulness, sincerity, innocence, and purity, which help to keep my child-like dreams and expectation of life and of people, respectively, vibrantly alive. And children are much more forgiving compared to the adults. I learn more about life on happiness from children than from any other self-help books.

A visit to Art Institute of Chicago

May 10, 2007 – Thursday

As usual, the 23th floor was always quiet. I was grateful that MS left me her membership card for Art Institute of Chicago (AIC) so that I might enjoy the Cezanne to Picasso Art Exhibition later today for free.

Just when I was about to leave for the exhibition, BC motioned me to work along with him in the SQL Server installation. Luckily it was only a 15-minute installation.

As I expected it to be, the AIC was quite packed. People tried to make it before the end of the exhibition on Saturday.

Arts, like classical music, can relax my muscles, stimulate every fiber of my brain cells for a higher level of imaginations, and compel me to dream big dreams. A great artist is one who dares to dream and use one’s paintbrush to convey one’s innermost feelings. As a result, one’s arts can transfuse the onlookers into a higher realm of a purer world, perhaps, a utopia.

To avoid wasting more times, I asked one of the guards the precise location of the exhibition. It was at the other side of the building. Walking through the long corridor filled with ancient displays of armors, I could not help but thinking of the trivial things to do at home. “Hannah, stop that. Just enjoy the exhibition, worry about those later.”

Showing the card to the guards, I stepped into the gallery. Right in front of me was the introduction of Ambroise Vollard – an art dealer who had collected all these arts once upon of time. He was tall, heavy, half-bald, and with beard. Coming from a very humble family, he was quick to discover the leverage in art selling and set his mind onto the business. He was a cat lover too. This reminded me of BK who is also a cat lover. Though I have yet met a chinese man who loves cat, I sincerely believe pets can be faithful companion, even more faithful and loyal than human. Had it not been my annual travel back home to Malaysia, I might have adopted one or two cats or dogs.

Stepping into the left room, here it was. One of my beloved arts of all times: Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh. I paused for a while. By letting both my crowded mind go, I allowed the painting to tell me how to feel and what to think. The crescent moon accompanied with the swirling clouds rolled away the burdens in my heart. Right in the center of the picture was a church in a small quiet town. What peaceful scenery. What seclusion! Is that how Van Gogh felt when he painted it? I love artists who apply colors in great contrast with one another. Van Gogh is one of them.

Andre Derain’s Big Ben is quite similar to Van Gogh’s Starry Night as far as the color usage is concerned. Dark Blue contrasted with yellow, orange, and red. The reflection of the moon unto Thames River was just perfect. It could have been a long line of reflection, but the passing boat interrupted it. How true it is to describe life. Life is always interjected with pleasant and unpleasant interruptions. Suddenly I seemed to understand myself better. While I wish my life to be a quiet one, at the same time I am dreadful of the monotonous life that may dull my soul. I don’t mind at all to have a few passing boats that interfere with the normal routine of life so long I am prepared to deal with them wisely.

Bathers by Paul Cezanne

Nudity is synonymous to art. Paul Cezanne seems to love nude painting more than any artists I have known so far. However, his style reflects the beauty of the nakedness without rousing the dark side of the sexuality. In particular, I love this painting : the light colors he used in this daily routine of life: bathing.

Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going? By Paul Gauguin

I was very captured by the title of painting.. For these very three questions I came to know Jesus. For these three questions, Paul G. painted this. This painting needs to be studied from right to the left. There lies a newborn baby on the cloth to signify the beginning of life. The middle of the picture is the progress of life through various stages… At the end, at the left, an old lady crouched with both hands holding on to her face as if saying: “that is, that is the end of life, whether u like it or not”. This is definitely not a posture of growing old graciously. I literally stood just a few inches away from this painting, trying to study the feature of the old lady and the emotions manifested on her face. Deep in my heart, I quietly made a decision: “Hannah, don’t let your life end like this. Do learn to grow old graciously.”

Seated Girl with Rabbit by Pierre Bonnard

I can’t tell why I love this painting. I love its unique lines and the colors that seem to intertwine with one another. It is like a puzzle that requires observation from a distance. This painting reminds me of another painter whom I still try to remember since years ago.

On The Pale Silver Sofa By Maurice Denis

After viewing those paintings with the big contrast of colors, I found this painting very soothing to my eyes. The lines are so tiny and clear. For a moment, I thought it is a Japanese art.

A Strange Flower by Odilan Redon

It is indeed a strange flower… It is sad look. I had hard time to describe my feelings when staring at the picture. The idea itself is peculiar: a flower with a human face.

Amrboise Vollard Multifaceted Portrait By Pablo Picasso

Of all the paintings, I found this one the most fascinating. Only a genius brain can come up with this type of drawing.

The old guitarist By Pablo Picasso

This is the most haunting painting I have ever seen. The moment my eyes contacted it, my heart sank. The monochrome color palette, flattened forums and somber themes: gray and dark blue create the most depressive effect on me. At the split second, I believe this is a good picture for me when I am depressed and need a good cry.

I believe one day I will start collecting arts by buying art works from students in the local universities. I already know my favorite type of arts.

What an emotional day. Let go of my logic and let the art world temporarily define my feelings for a few hours.

Houston Trip Jun 1st - 4th 2007

Jun 1st, 2007

Everything seems to have its limit. I hit bottom last Friday that I eventually decided to let the dreamer/adventurer Hannah dominant the planner Hannah for this weekend and many more weekends to come in the future. I flew out to Houston at 5:30pm from OHare. It is time to nourish the adventurous aspect of my life and to keep the tedious programming lifestyle in the closet for three days.

Knowing DW, I will probably be pampered. Is it good or bad? I don’t know, all I know is that I need fresh air. Air from the ocean, air from the new places, and air that will rejuvenate the three crucial components of a human: mind, soul, and body.

The flight arrived earlier and DW wasn’t there yet. I walked through the typical airport glassy door to the outside passenger-drop-off waiting area. Spotting an empty bench, I sorted of gently dropping my body onto it. The 70s temperature weather accompanied with the constant soothing breeze made the 25 waiting minutes like nothing. I truly was relaxing. Houstonians are friendly; 95% of them who walked passed me nodded their heads and smiled to me. To my surprise that DW and I indeed had miscommunication on the pick-up place. Cell phone is useful in this situation.

It took 22 minutes from IAH to his brother’s house, a nice little brand new one-storey house. The moment I walked into the house, the somewhat disarrayed arrangement and interior decoration manifested itself that this house lacks "a touch of women". Since both his brother and nephew are out of town, therefore we had the whole house for ourselves. That would help me relax even more.

After showing me around the house and putting my luggage to the guest room, DW cooked Korean instant noodles for me. He refused any help from me, insisted that this is my vacation. I let him be. I was surprised to see the number of of laptops and computers he owns and how he enjoys the satisfactions of fixing up any broken computers. As usual, my life can never be disconnected from the Internet. Quickly getting my laptop hooked up to the DSL service, I checked my email on the bed where I would be sleeping on for the next three nights. DW, then, checked my laptop to see if he could improve its speed by removing junks. We then spent some times viewing his photos taken from Sweden. As he explained the people and the meaning of those photos, he also showed the geographical of the location where those pictures were taken via an Europe map. He reiterated a few times that he would take me to those places when/if I visit him in Sweden this fall. It was a long day. I didn’t go to bed till 1:45am.


Jun 2nd, 2007
I wake up at 6:30am. Still exhausted. Prayed a little. Could not read the Bible, for I forgot to bring one. Went back to sleep. Wake up again at 8:30am. Got online to check the email. YP wrote to ask about the wiring money and swimming gaggle. I replied saying I would try to contact him tonight after I come back from San Antonio tonight. I managed to talk briefly with mom. Then I listened to some sermon.

We left home for San Antonio around 10am. The sun was shining bright and HOT. Without sunglasses, my eyes would probably be suffering. So I decided to put on my contact lens in hopes the humidity in Houston/S.A. would help my dry eyes. During the 3-hour drive from Houston to San Antonio, DW played his favorite chinese songs, in which most of the songs I was not familiar with. Indeed, I have disconnected from the chinese culture for quite a while. I could not help but wishing I have my classical music CDs with me. Our music taste are quite different. In spite of that, I definitely enjoyed sitting in the passenger seat looking out to the sky, observing the movements of innumberable big white clouds overlapping each other and against the light blue sky, and seeing the flat landscape of Texas. I love the feeling of being free. I could hardly remember when was the last time I truly and quietly enjoyed the sky without worrying about my website development.

We stopped by Subway for a footlong sandwich. We shared. Quite tasty.

We reached S.A. downtown around 1:30pm. The closer to the ruin, The Alamo, the more crowded it was. The significant role of the Alamo in the history of America has turned San Antonio into a commercialized city. Next to the ruin are the commercial shops and a few impressive malls. Quickly we parked the car in one of the garages. Before walking out the garage, I looked around trying to find the specific description/detail of the garage so that we could find our car later. "It was B level at Crokett Garage," I reminded DW and myself.

It was hot. 90F. DW stopped for an ice-cream before crossing the street to the Alamo. I politely declined, for I was till full from the sandwich. The owner of the ice-cream shop must have made a fortune out of this store. We waited for at least 10 minutes.

The lush surrounding within the wall of the Alamo was extremely pleasing to the senses. I repeatedly told DW that I just loved the green. Having lived in the city of Chicago for six years and constantly breathed in the polluted air, greenery has meant something to me. Sometimes, honestly, all I wanted in my daily life is a quiet place where I can see the green. The picture on the left displayed one type of uniforms wore during the war, in which i have forgotten the name.

Walked back to where we parked our car, and the famous River Walk of S.A. was right underneath us as it was shown in the picture on the right. I was indeed impressed with what I saw. There are a variety of restaurants and trees on both sides along the river. The trees not only provide shade to the customers who enjoy luncheon/dinner on the river, but also to the walkers who enjoy the stroll along the river. I guess people do stop for meal or drink as they are tired of walking. The winding staircases that connect to the hotels or restaurants against the backdrop of the river left a deep impression on me. Every few minutes I would see tourist boats passed us by. I have hard time understanding why would people choose to pay for the "River Walk" ride instead of truly taking a River Walk by feet. Well, again, it is a matter of preference. We walked for at least 1 hour, if not longer, until we both thirst for water.

Mission San Jose >

THe other side of Mission Concepcion

Due to the fact that DW wanted to take me to the newly open Chinese restaurant in Houston, therefore we tried to leave S.A. by 5:00pm and made it back to Houston by 8ish.. Nonetheless, right before we left, I stopped by a sourvenior shop for postcards. I discovered there were four other old "churches". I asked the owner of the shop whether they were nearby. It turned out to be within 10 miles from where we were. DW was okay with it. I, then, memorized the direction given by the owner. The deal was that we would try to find it for 20 minutes. If we could not find the location within the allocated timeframe, we would just head home. Luckily we did find it. We managed to visit two of the four churches.

My favorite picture in the entire trip, taken in Mission Concepcion church. >
And we managed to get to the Chinese restaurant before it was closed. It was the cheapest and yummiest buffet I ever had. I had a lot of raw salmon, sushi, and crab. It was too late to call YP when we got home.

Jun 03, 2007

On the way to Galvesion, the Gulf of Mexico. The leftmost picture is Houston's downtown. Next to it is the houses near the Galveston. The houses reminded of the old Malay houses near beaches in Malaysia. Of course, these are much more beautiful.


DW did take me to his brother's factory where he showed me his handy work on renovating the office. Quite a good job that he has done. (So was the dog house that he built for his two dogs.) Now I eventually understood the type of business his brother is involved in. Seeing is always better than listening to a thousand words.

It was hot enough in S.A., but it was even hotter in Galveston, the Gulf of Mexico. As a girl was pouring onto the ground some bread, the sensitive seagulls quickly detected it and fearlessly touched down and picked up those bread. It was quite a scene. The water looked murky, just as DW described prior to our arrival.

University of Houston campus.

The computer lab at UofH. >

<>

We both had ice-cream here.

We reached home before dark. We wanted to each ride a bike around the neighbourhood, but one of the bike's tire was punctured. We ended up taking a stroll to the pond. It was a decent size.. I jokingly teased DW that I would come here more often if his brother's house was facing this pond. I love water since I was a child. I can totally forget about myself whenever I am in the water, swimming pool or ocean. Surprisingly, I saw five puppies and one cat in one of the houses' backyard. I found the puppies' barking very pleasant to my ears. DW was standing from a distance as I approached them. The closer I were to them, the higher they jumped inside the fence and the louder they barked at me. Those puppies were so darling and so was the puffy cat. Weird but true, at that moment, I truly would like to hold them and also had the unprecendented urge to want to own a pet. Will I? Who knows. But I am also fearful of the potential strong attachment I may develop with them. Attachment is a vulnerable thing, and to be vulnerable is definitely a scary thing.

The trip ended when I took the earliest flight out of IAH to Chicago on Jun 4th, 2007. Cheers to our 7 yrs of friendship, DW. Friendship is priceless.

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." anonysmous.